of black coffee, sugar crackers and morning thoughts.

Well, not really a morning thought. And if this sheet is real, there would of course be a few stains of coffee on this haha.

So i had this long phone conversation with my college close friend last night. It was merely a catching up session on our life, and stuffs. And you know, thing would certainly lead you to a deep conversation and yes, we had that too last night.

And yes, it will always, alwaaayyyyss be on boys and relationships with this girl.

Entah, i feel like in a way, our conversation last night showed that we've changed and had already slowly figured out that we are so over those looks-over-personality, or this-guy-is-hot-and-sure-is-my-taste, orrr lets-start-dating-and-see-how-things-work-first kind of things. Itu adalah crap okay guys. Seriously. We're 24 already (ehem i am, she's 8 month away haha) but you get what i'm saying aite.

It is time to get serious. No more trying here and there, having back up and all like "what if he/she is not the one, lets find another back up cause it always good to have a plan B". Wake up wikiwiki up guys!

I know things will not always be on our side but if we're not even trying hard to make things better, how can we expect things to work out well? If we already have the thought of having a back up if the relationship fails, we won't give our best shot on this. Human feelings are not to be played even how innocent, kind or faithful he/she is. Once you confessed, and tell what you've been bottling up since God knows how long, then go work your ass off for that thing. Don't let the other party being left hanging after he/she starting to like and develop an interest on you. Work to that marriage stuff, be serious.

And alhamdulillah thing with my girl over here is working out pretty well and guess what guess whattt, they're planning on that serious matter already! I'm so proud of her and i think she definitely deserved someone like him.

And you know, when you already have that someone who you think are the person and you can imagine life with him/her, and you're so into him/her (like how my friend over here feels) you would definitely feel like, " eh he's like really the one for me lah, and kalau bagi i, sekarang kahwin pun boleh. Like why must we wait so long kan. Sekarang pun i dah ready!" Haha that's how we both felt last night and how the boys, relationships, and jodoh conversation ended before we moved on to another topic h

So yeah, i felt her, she felt me. And the whole conversation was really something to me cause i really feel like she knows what she really wants now (the right way and all). Told her, the 8 years she think she's been wasting on for nothing or for a jerk, is all worth it cause now she got someone yang dia (and even me) truly yakin boleh bawa dia ke lebih baik. Aw aw. True, semua yang berlaku ada hikmah. And we just have to find em and always always have faith on Him.

And as for me, have i found my person? My one?





Let's all of us have a big laugh on that! Lewlz

Wey eyy eyyy

I have decided that i wanna start blogging againnnn! After a really long hiatus.
But the thing is I'm not quite sure whether to just go on with this account or make a new one and start fresh! (?)

Hm a fresh start would be nice but...
I don't know.

Will see...

And for now, I'm so thrilled to have this blogging feeling again and I really hope that it last!

Lol 2011 photo throwback guys! 

It's just the urge to write, nothing much

LOL,
Hi, so here I am with sudden urge of writing again, and I don't know why.

Well, nothing to write about much actually. It just like I kinda missed my old self with so much thoughts and things to talk and vent about, and now everything *puff* goes away like how I think I'm starting to lose my real self.

Hm.
Real self?

How my real self was like? Haha I have no freaking ideas. It just that I feel different now. I'm not sure what changed, but there are surely something that I used to have in myself but not anymore. And its kinda sad. You know things will change eventually in this world, but you know you can never lose that one thing in yourself, but it did anyway. *sigh*

Ugh! Okay I hate all this feeling and I shouldn't have started my day feeling crap and all.

Okay. *tryna think positive* lewlz

No school today and I don't know what to do. Not that I like schools, but I feel kinda lonely right now, and I am alone. So yeah, let's get up from this bed and do something fun today! NOT. -.-

Still a blogger (I guess)

Hey.
Been almost a year since I blog here.

Suddenly, I feel like starting to get back on my blogging habit. But yeah, not sure if it will last but I wished I could spare my time at least once a week to update this blog.

Life has been pretty dull these days. Not really a good start for a new year.
Guess I miss home too much. Counting days to home! 18 days to go babeh!

Of Abaya and Mockery

I've wasted 19 years of my life with those stupid, bad, non-beneficial stuffs and activities and no one cares. Suddenly, in this short time of life-changing moments, less than 1 year yet, I receive a lot of bad comments and mockeries.

How irony.
A big round of applause to this very world.
Who mock people who do good deeds,
And ignore people who do bad stuffs.
Because apparently it's the in-thing and norms.

HA-HA-HA

I got mocked and laughed twice in a night, because I was wearing an abaya. Well, by Muslims itself.
I don't see any wrong putting on abaya, going out to the mall.
But I seriously, see something that is super wrong with your short skirt and tight clothes, my sisters.

Hmm.
I hope I to see you again, sissy. Wearing fine, good, decent clothes, one day. In shaa Allah.
Ameen.

Think twice.

You know that feeling when people always look at you as if you always be that innocent sweet little girl since forever and still is, but the truth is you are never any holier than any of your friends and even bad, you are the one with the darkest secret past that nobody knows of.

Yes.

That's me.

I am not writing this entry tonight to reveal any of my secrets or my past stories that I wished never ever happened at the first place, but well looking at the bright side, it did mould me to a person I am right now. Maybe I am never that one perfect girl ( well, who does ) but at least this path that I am taking in ( always and still in the process of becoming a better Muslimah ), is the path that I'm pretty much sure will lead me to a better ending, in shaa Allah. I never asked for any of those things that happened to me in the past, but Allah knows the best and surely He put me in that situations, made bad, humiliating things happened to me in order to give lesson to me. To purify me, I must say. :) 

To think back of what had happened and why everything happened, I am truly glad that Allah has planned my journey in His very best way. As I recalled every single major life changing things that happened to me, feels like wanna cry a jug as I feel so blessed for Allah has saved me so many times for all the big sins that I would probably fall into. Alhamdulillah, for each of His cares and guidances to me. 

Well, actually, I never realised all these things until this one shocking news broke that almost made my heart stop beating. Almost speechless to the disbelieve, I was numb for a second. Indeed, I feel the love of the Lord for protecting me all these years. If I wasn't being transferred from that school and called 'that thing' off,  I couldn't imagine what will happen to me. How amazing every plan He has sketched for me is! O Allah, you never failed to awe me even with a slightest thing. 

But who knows, by being transferred to a new school, Allah has tested me with quite a similar task but it involved a whole different story of friendship, loyalty and greed. As weak as I am, I failed the test and I was badly influenced by my Nafs and Shaytan. Astaghfirullah. 

I seriously couldn't imagine what I would become if I still taking that road. The path that surely would lead me to the hell fire. All my bad deeds in the past, will I take it as a lesson-to-learn and will always be the best teacher to teach me distinguishing between a good thing and a bad one, in shaa Allah.

 And till now, I am still holding to this one saying, ;

"Every pious person has a past, and every sinner has a future."

Never underestimate the power of Hidayah.

"Kun fayakun". If Allah says, Be! Be it is. 

If He has set upon you to be a believer, you certainly would be one and no one has the power to reject it without He wills. And vice versa. 

Indeed, Allah is the best planner. 

So, think twice if you are saying that you have sinned as big as the planet Mars and Allah won't probably forgive you.

Think again.

Allah mercy will always remains and He never failed to listen to each prayer and taubah of His servants. 

"Verily, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves."

If you say it is hard to let go all those sins that you make, think twice and ask yourselves, how much longer do you wanna hold on to it? So, learn to let go. If you keep on holding to that one thing that means "everything" to you, you will never  give yourselves the chance to experience a much better, valuable thing or event. 

Yes, there's always time to change, but do remember, the time to change will definitely stop when your life have been taken away from this dunya.

And who lose at that very moment?

Who's that someone?

I was there.

Hiding from reality. A reality that hit me real hard, real bad. As if I've been slapped, punched, kicked and bullied in front of a crowd but no one came towards me. No one trying to make a move. No one showing themselves up.  As pathetic as it was, I saw thousands of stares but not even a pair of helping hands.

I was there.
Still right there, helpless. Torn.

And suddenly, out of nowhere...

In a very low, soft voice.
Someone whispered to me,

"Jangan jatuh."

"Jangan jatuh."

"Jangan jatuh."

And then, I realised that, that someone was me.