red flame

why it seems so hard to forget something that we really NEED to forget? i mean, i've been trying like death just to forget certain things that keep on hurting me inside out but still it reminded me more about it. i'm so tired of keep telling to myself that i'm cool and fine but whattheheck i'm not. haish. i really pissed off with myself. why is it so hard to forget that damn thing and just put a real genuine smile? i thought that i have enough strength to break the thin delicate glass off my chest but no, it still cant. of all the gazillionth time i tried, it just like a waste of time. i didnt mind if the bad things that i tried to pull off my chest didnt even hurt me, but the fact is it's killing me inside and it really hard to ignore. i know that sometimes we have to deal with all those bad things which supposedly to make us be stronger to live life ahead but can you just give me a manual on how to deal with life cause for the sake of want to feel the wonderful of life, i desperately need em right now. anyone? hand me your manual please. *sigh*

the feel of insecure towards myself and everything around me really bother me. big time. its not that i want to make fuss over my life and tell everyone how sucks my life had been all this while or being i-am-the-only-person-in-this-fucking-world-who-is-full-of-problems-and-let-me-committed-suicide thingy. how can i put this thing right? hurm. ok. my life had been upside down all this while and i had already tidy up my life a lil bit but it seems like it start to mess up again. i'm tired and exhausted and do i need to mention it thousands time that i'm sicked of it? no, its not premenstrual syndrome etc, its me letting out what i've been gripping so hard in my chest that i' afraid that it would burst if i keep on hidden em.

ok, lets put this thing to a stop. in the name of god, i hope that my life would be much better and less suffocated living in this hella world. i wish to live life like no one can ever proclaimed that i'm a loser or a bitch. i hope that no one will ever messing up with my life cause i'm living in my own life and anyone who tends to do so, please forget your intention. and i say this with a straight strict face. please, *with puppy eyes* stop treating me like a voodoo doll who can be hurt like no one would ever matter.



*thank you, fellas*